


Two superhumans on a boat

by kcatdino



Category: Daredevil (TV), Jessica Jones (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Defenders (Marvel TV)
Genre: Banter, F/F, F/M, Gen, Hydra (Marvel), Idiots in Love, minor Karen/Trish
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-17 04:22:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28968246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kcatdino/pseuds/kcatdino
Summary: Dumb-ass masters of sass Jessica Jones and Matt Murdock go undercover on a cruise, because I want to have multiple hyper-obsessions at once.“Father forgive me for I have sinned.” Matt took a deep breath in the confessional. “I fought, lied, slept with a woman I shouldn’t, and committed larceny on the high seas.”“Well,” Father Lantom replied, “At least you are adding variety to your sins.”
Relationships: Jessica Jones & Matt Murdock, Jessica Jones & Patricia Walker, Jessica Jones/Matt Murdock
Comments: 7
Kudos: 40





	Two superhumans on a boat

  
  


“Father forgive me for I have sinned.” Matt took a deep breath in the confessional. “I fought, lied, slept with a woman I shouldn’t, and committed larceny on the high seas.”

“Well,” Father Lantom replied, “At least you are adding variety to your sins.”

  
  


She already tried asking Trish, who was too busy touring live versions of her talk show to be counted on for the dates in question. There was no way she was asking Malcolm, taking him on an all expense paid cruise was too much like paying him, even if it was for work. Especially since he thought he was her assistant. That left one person she might not kill cramped in a small cabin for a week: Matt. 

“Jessica Jessica Jessica”

His phone called out her name, and he answered it, hoping she didn’t need bail money this time. 

“Hey” 

“How are you doing? Need something in particular?”

There was a long pause on the other end of the phone.

“Yeah, actually, I need a favor. I’m working this case, following this one guy, an engineer for a pretty secure company. He’s my link into their shady dealings. But problem is, he lives on the company compound and the only time I’ll have access is when he takes his family on vacation next week.”

“Ok,” he replies, “I’m unsure how this applies to me.”

“Trish got me a reservation on the same cruise his family will be on, but since the booze is included in the package, she doesn’t want me going alone.” She said it so nonchalantly, but his heart dropped.

“You want me to go on a cruise with you” he stammered out.

“It’s just for a week, but it’s all paid for. We’d have to share a room though.” Pause. “There’s a potential for ass kicking. Just thought you should know.”

Matt’s heart stammered. This was a bad idea, he thought. But he wasn’t allowed to take cases for a few more weeks, so it wasn’t like his schedule was full. At least his daytime schedule.

They had some problems getting through security. Apparently, there was a limit on how much whiskey you could pack in your bags. Who knew? Certainly not Jessica. All but two bottles were confiscated by port authority, but they failed to take away Jessica’s coffee mug, though Matt could smell it all morning. They finally got to the open sky bridge between security and the ship itself.

“Shit that’s a big ship,” she mutters under her breath. And wonders if Matt would agree with her, how much could he sense? This thing was nothing compared to the cruise her parents took her and her brother on, two years before they died. This thing was at least 20 stories tall, easy, with waterslides on top and balconies all the way down to the level they were entering on, several stories above the water. She hadn’t gotten a good view as they drove up, but now they were crossing the gangplank and it was overwhelming.

Matt chuckled. “Still think we are going to be able to case this place in a couple hours?” he said, though it wasn’t really a question. So he could tell they were about to enter a metal monstrosity. “People pay to be on these deathtraps?” He muttered.

“What’s wrong,” she teased, “echolocation doesn’t work at sea?” 

“I just can’t believe you drove us into New Jersey for this”

They had reached the doors into a sweeping lobby, where a lady with a clipboard scanned their room cards. “Mr and Mrs Walker” a booming voice announced from speakers as they glided into the enormous room, his hand on her arm.

“We aren’t using our real names?” he whispered to her fervently.

“I’m on a couple watchlists that would make this more difficult.” She was as nonchalant as always. “And besides, they won’t check our passports unless we try to get off the ship before it comes back here.”

“And we aren’t getting off the ship?” he said, cocking an eyebrow.

“I figured that would be the best time to break into his room” she shrugged. Noticing someone walking a little too close to them, she broke out her falsely cheery voice “I think the braille map is over here, honey,” guiding him to where he had already sensed a 3D map of the ship in plastic. 

There was a problem when they entered their room. Jessica didn’t notice anything wrong, but Matt’s head did that cute little tilt it did when he was “sensing” something. “What is it? A listening device?”

He shook his head, paused and did his best to sound casual (she could tell it was a struggle for him) as he asked “Isn’t it a bit ….. small?” 

She paused and looked around. It was indeed smaller than expected, the whole space probably smaller than just the bedroom in his apartment. A space guaranteed to be uncomfortable for any couple not sleeping together. Instead of agreeing with him, she snarked “Afraid you’ll catch cooties Murdock? I won’t bite.”

She enjoyed the red flushing through his face, as he turned away and set his suitcase on the one bed.

“So, “ he said to change the subject, “am I here just as your sober sponsor, or do you require assistance getting the drop on this guy?”

“Ha. Sober sponsor. Very funny.” She took a swig of her nearly empty “coffee” mug. “We are going to do a little bit of undercover work, see if we can talk to this guy with his guard down.” She opened up her suitcase to reveal sundresses and flirty clothes she’d never be caught dead in in New York. Smirking, she said “Hope you packed your hawaiian shirts.”

For assigned seating dinner, they get stuck with two couples who are very loud and very silly. Jessica is not a fan. They do not return to the main dining room again.

They decide to scope out the piano bar for their first night. “The wife posted some pictures of this bar on facebook the last time they cruised, so I thought we should start here.” Her eyes narrowed in on the seats by the bar, on the far end from the piano.

“And here I thought you were appealing to my love of live music” he smirked. Then he paused, and questioned "you seem to know a lot about this guy. How come you need a cruise to corner him?"

"His wife posts a lot on facebook, that's all. Posting their cruise dates let me track them down pretty easily. Doesn't seem to know what he does for work though" 

"What  _ does _ he do for work?"

Jessica just scoffs and leans against the bar to order a long island iced tea.

Matt decided to try a different tack. "I figured you'd be a whiskey neat drinker all the time, what's with the cocktail?" He says, as they take swivel seats at the far end of the bar. 

"I drink whiskey neat because it's cheap." He voice is withering enough that he's sure she's leveling a glare at him to match. "And long island's are the most bang for your buck when it comes to alcohol content in a place like this. Most of the drinks are 90% juice. And it  _ looks _ like tea, so less likely to get spotted as a drunk."

Matt smiles. "Wouldn't want that after all"

Jessica is not amused. "What are you drinking, asshole?" 

"Well, seeing as I can't read the menu, and no one has offered to read it to me" <<"damn" she mutters>> "I think I'll just have a whiskey neat."

"Asshole" Jessica mutters, but there is a smile in her voice.

Matt’s first mistake was trying to drink as much as Jessica. His second mistake was trying to walk without his cane, revealing his apparent lack of blindness to the bar. Thankfully, Jessica tripped him and he fell face forward, with an uncharacteristic lack of grace. At least he thinks she tripped him. Something tripped him. And now she was acting like he was a drunkard for lying on the floor. The floor was comfortable, once he got over the initial impact. Jessica Jones, PI extraordinaire, turned back to the bartender and muttered some reasurances Matt couldn’t focus on. Maybe she was paying? 

“Alright, up you go, dumbass” she says as she hauls him up to standing position and slings one of his arms around her shoulder. There is some muttering in the crowd about some poor guy being manhandled by his date, but Matt can’t figure out who they are referring to as he takes a few shaky steps at Jess’s side.

“I’m not a dumbass, I passed the bar” Matt’s thankful his voice doesn’t come out with a whine, but there is something else wrong with it. He is usually so eloquent, dammit! The mutterings of other patrons are cut off as they leave the room and head for the elevators.

Jessica just chuckles. “Dumbasses try to outdrink someone with a superhuman metabolism and healing factor. Not everything is a competition.”

“Woulda been great if I won though.” Matt tries to remember what set him down this path he now so regretted. What had made him try to drink so much? 

There  _ had _ been a large amount of people and noise in the small space, but he had handled worse sober before. Thinking back, all his mind can come up with is the scent of Jessica’s shampoo. He’d been smelling it all night. It was quite a lovely scent when mixed with her signature cologne of whiskey.

“You really know how to woo ‘em, eh Murdock.” Had that been out loud? “That was out loud too, counselor. Try to think quieter.” There is laughter in Jess’s voice at something, he’s not sure what as he screws up his face in concentration, attempting to head her words. They stumble back to their room, Jessica supporting most of his weight. “You’re more solid than you look, alter boy.” Though her voice doesn’t even sound strained from the effort.

“It’s all muscle” Matt sounds uncharacteristically pleased with himself as Jess fumbles with the key card to enter their room. An idea occurs to him. “I need to stretch before bed.”

“Not tonight you don’t.” The man could barely stand on his own. What he needed was to fall down in the bed and hopefully remove his shoes.

“Jess, being this  _ solid _ and bad-ass takes effort” Matt says with all the seriousness a drunk man can muster.

“Is that Matt Murdock sounding proud of himself? I should be recording this.”

“Please don’t. I haven’t been this drunk since undergrad and nearly revealed my powers to Foggy. If he had a smartphone then, I’d be all over the internet by now.”

“That shitty of a friend, huh?” Jess says as she prevents Matt’s attempts to do a handstand.

“Nah, he just doesn’t always get the whole superpower thing. Or daredevil thing. Or why, in his words, any beautiful dangerous woman in the room will find me. Or does he say I find them? I still don’t know how he thinks I know they are beautiful.”

Jessica heaves Matt onto the bed face first and starts shucking off his shoes. “Bet he’s relieved you're hanging with me right now then.”

He turns his head to face her so his voice isn’t muffled by the mattress. “But you’re a beautiful dangerous woman.”

Jessica hopes to god he can’t sense the heat in her cheeks. “Pretty sure you’ve only got the dangerous part right.” 

“No” his voice is muffled as he turns his face back into the window. “I can tell people’s reactions when you walk in the room, scowl or no scowl. And it said so in the articles about you.”

“Glad to know the news outlets have their priorities straight when they cover mind-controlling enhanced freaks.” She changed into her pajamas and climbed into bed. “Hope you aren’t a cuddler while drunk” she jokes, but Matt is already passed out. After positioning him so he can’t choke on his own vomit, she falls into a fitful sleep.


End file.
